TO WIT: THE MAN WHO SUED LIBERTY VALENCE
It wasn't so much a dark and stormy night as it was a tad inclement. The constant prairie breeze had coaxed the dying campfire embers into a steady glow. The Old Barrister snugged his saddle blanket around his shoulders and moved closer to the fire. He bit himself off another chaw and we all knew that it was story time.
"Did I ever tel you about this young lawyer who came to town, musta been the summer of '71. Coulda' been ’72. maybe even '70. Not '69 for sure and I don't think ’73. Naw, it were ’71, I'm pretty sure.
"Anyways. I was standin' up agin the hitchin' post with the rest of the family law section when I sees him gittin' of the stage. fresh out of law school and as green behind the ears as a fella could get, absent a fungus."
"How could you tell?" asked a junior partner.
"On account of how he marched right up to me and asked me where he might find hisself an accy-dent.
“Well now, son.' I tells him. you just go on out and find yourself a client and I do believe the accy-dent you're alookin' for will find you.”
"Anywho, he rents hisself an office right there on Main Street and hangs up a shingle and waits."
"Waits?" pipes up a young associate. "I don't understand. Why didn't he just advertise?"
"We didn't have advertising then." the old man explained. and after a brief silence as the assemblage strug-gled hard to imagine such good taste, he continued on.
"One day this here damsel walks in to see him. Seems she needed a lawyer to sue the biggest. baddest politician in town. I mean. it wasn't enough just to kiss this guy's petootie. you had to include the petootie of the horse he rode in on.
"Now this young lawyer couldn't find any guts at a Weight Watcher's meeting. But he was young and hungry and so he took the case.
At first. we thought he'd taken leave of his lasso. I even asked him one day at lunch why he would do such a foolhardy thing as that. He said. “What have I got to lose? Can't be poorer than I am. can't have less work than I got, can't damage my reputation on account of I don't have one.”
"When he won the case. the local paper made him a hero. Soon he was doin' al the tough. social-conscience cases in town. Even sued a judge once for sexual hay-rassment."
"Don't you mean harassment?" asked a law clerk.
"No. I mean hay-rassment. There were farm animals involved. Soon he was both busy and prosperous and had a helluva reputation to boot.
"Several years goes by and I don't see much of him. Then one day we met up at lunch. Turns out he represents school boards and a political party and labor unions now and don't do the high-profile stuff anymore.
" You’ve acquired such wonderful skills over the years. I told him. You could do them better than ever now.
"Oh, that's for the younger lawyers. not us old fogies he replied. 'Besides. I make a lot of money now and I have my reputation to think of. "
By the 15-minute pause that followed. we knew the story was over. "sI that irony?" asked a young associate who had been a business major in college.
But the tale had found purchase in my psyche. I remember feeling the breeze of righteousness ripple through my hair as I used to stride the several blocks from my office to the
courthouse like a cause-laden Colossus, and I want that feel- ing back. So from now on. no more having my young partner drop me off at the courthouse while she goes to look for a parking space. And if you se me comin' you'd better get the hell out of the way. This town ain't big enough for….
© 2000 S. Sponte, Esq.