TO-WIT: LOOK, UP IN THE SKY AGAIN
As a child I always did, look up in the sky that is, because I always hoped a superhero would be up there. That none ever were never stopped me from looking.
I’ve always loved superheroes, how they right wrongs, capture and punish transgressors, keep my world safe. I needed them as a kid and I need them no less now. Though their domain has primarily been the comics, at least there they proliferate like bunnies. Every fictitious city had them. Why, you could hardly walk down any fictitious city street without at least one of them single bounding over every building in sight. As for the smaller towns, you couldn’t saunter past any corner where at least one youthful super ingénue wasn’t being bar mitzvahed or confirmed.
Nowadays they also populate the movies as well. Go to any theater and you’ll see Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Iron Man, Silver Surfer and Daredevil, just to name a few, displaying their superwares (or in the case of Tuperman, his Tuperwares) for all to see.
While it is the fictitious superheroes who have always garnered the notoriety, they are not without their real life counterparts in the legal profession. Since law immemorial, we have actually had more than our fair share of superlawyers, and by that I don’t mean the sort who callously buy their way into the trade magazines of the same name. No, I mean the ones who have powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal lawyers.
Unfortunately many of them, especially those who toil in less populous environs, are virtually unknown. I intend to change that right now. This has always been a profession more replete with superheroes than anyone knows. Consider the following:
P. H. ANTOM – A litigator par excellence, P.H. realized early in his career that he possessed the power to cloud the minds of all opposing counsel. He might have successfully practiced in anonymity his entire career had not so many of his opposition been elected to the bench where the affliction he had imposed upon them became readily apparent.
STEFAN “SPIDEY” ARAKNID – At one time just an ordinary family lawyer, Stefan was accidently bitten by a radioactive client during a custody melee and was soon thereafter able to spray vitriol from his mouth and webbing from his wrists. It didn’t make him a better lawyer but, by golly, after that his clients always paid his bills on time.
LULU “IRON LADY” GERHIG – A deft criminal defense attorney, Lulu eventually became so enflamed whenever a guilty client was acquitted as a result of her consummate skill that she took to donning custom metal body armor and kicking the bejesus out of herself for her perfidious astuteness. She retired after a long and successful career and at her retirement dinner was heard to say “oof.”
Now let me tell you briefly about Myron “Shockyman” Rabinowitz. When he retired, he taught me his ability to administer massive electrical shock merely by touch. So, to a certain defense counsel out there, and you know who you are, do you really want to make me try this case or are you now ready to make me a decent offer? Oh, and don’t worry, if we settle I promise you don’t have to shake on it.
©2013, S. Sponte, Esq.