TO-WIT: DEAR JOHN
(Ed. Note – Obviously in need of a rest, the author is this month traveling incognito. Instead of his regular column, he has sent along copies of correspondence from one of his cases which we herein reproduce. We don’t expect him back anytime soon.)
Dear John,
Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me and Mrs. . Her case presents some interesting possibilities and if the facts tend to support her story, she has clearly been wronged. It’s a nice, simple little case, and I would love to represent her myself, but, alas, I know nothing of this particular area of the law. Although that has never stopped me before, this time my intuition tells me that you’re the right lawyer for this case. As far as the fee goes, let’s wait and see what happens. If you make a buck or two, we can talk about a referral fee at that time. Keep me copied on all letters. So get ‘em, Tiger.
Best regards,
S
Dear John,
Thank you for updating me on our case. It’s encouraging to know the defendant wants a demand. I’m sure our client will be reasonable. Let me know how it goes.
Best regards,
S
Dear John,
I already told her that her husband could not recover for loss of consortium in a contract action. Perhaps it would be best if we both met with her to discuss settlement. Set it up and let me know. I’ll come to your office.
Regards,
S
Dear John,
What have you done to make this woman so unreasonable? What she wants from the defendant is prohibited by the 13th Amendment. Why don’t you start discovery? Maybe that will get the ball rolling in the right direction?
Yours,
S
P.S. Don’t feel that you have to copy me with everything.
Dear John,
The answer is yes, I do know what it’s like to be in depositions for three straight days. It wouldn’t have taken so long if you hadn’t let her attend and put those ethnic slurs on the record. Who knew she hated the Swiss?
Very truly yours,
S
Dear John,
I know you’re under a lot of pressure, but that doesn’t give you the right to leave that kind of suggestion with my secretary. In the first place, you have my whole file, and in the second place, it would be anatomically impossible. Let’s talk about this over lunch. Considering your out-of-pocket expenses to date, I’ll buy.
Very truly yours,
S
Dear John,
Don’t be so upset. An out-of-state deposition will give you a chance to travel a bit, and I understand Oregon is quite nice this time of year. Maybe you could relax and get in some decent fishing.
Very truly yours,
S
Dear John,
Thanks for the postcard, and no, I didn’t know that Oregon still has blizzards this late in spring. In retrospect, fishing in the river with wading boots was probably unwise. Thank God frostbite usually heals quickly. Give your case some more thought while it thaws. Maybe now you can come up with a new angle.
Sincerely yours,
S
Dear John,
I do not think it is necessary for me to enter my appearance for your client in this matter. However, since you now seem to think the case is lost on liability, I’ll waive any claim to a referral fee. I know the case will be tried next week and you could use some help, but unfortunately I have a magistrate’s hearing which may go all week. Break a leg.
Yours truly,
S
Dear Mr. :
Concerning the above-captioned matter and your most recent correspondence, I do too sympathize that you spent 10 days in trial with such an unfortunate result. Perhaps things might have gone better if the client had not said those things about blacks and Jews. However, I see no reason to notify my malpractice carrier. There are no cases or statutes which give you an independent cause of action against me on the basis of negligent referral. If you keep this up, I am not going to send you any more work.
Very truly yours,
S S
© 1988, S. Sponte, Esq.