TO-WIT: AT THE MOVIES
You know, I've pretty much had i t with those pundits who posit that, as a profession, we lawyers are a cultureless lot. As far as I'm concerned, nothing could be further from the truth.
Okay , maybe we aren't as up on our ballet as we could be , but there's a good reason for that. Who among us doesn't routinely have men leaping around in tights walking through their office door on a daily basis? And that gets old pretty quick.
As for the contention that we know nothing about c l a s s i c a l music, well, we know this...really great classical music died when that plane went down in the Iowa cornfield in 1959.
All right, so maybe lawyers aren't the best candidates to appreciate what's happening on the cutting edge of culture. Maybe as a profession we spend too much time on the cutting edge of life to stop and smell every time a rosebud passes by. But that's not to say we aren't interested in some of the more plebeian forms of popular culture such as movies and, uh, well, okay, maybe just movies. But movies are certainly mainstream culture, and I have loved them all my life. Being a lawyer hasn't diminished that passion one iota.
In an effort then to dispel the professional slur that we know naught of culture, I have decided to review the ten best lawyer movies of all time. Oh, I know, I could have expanded my list to encompass the ten best movies of all time, but the truth
is lawyer movies are almost all I watch. I don't really understand most of the other ones.
TO BILL A MOCKINGBIRD...a haunting, lovely, sentimental look at life in a small Southern town as Lawyer Finch (Finch- Mockingbird ...get it? If so, explain it to me, I don't get it) comes to learn that i t ' s a sin to bill a mockingbird. Those
mumsers never pay, you have to get your fee from them in advance.
MEN IN BLACK VESTS . . . a rollicking good comedy in which
lawyers struggle to prevent alien life forms from the planet Klyent from destroying the world with stupidity, avarice, calumny, treachery, neglect, selfishness and Brylcreem. The outcome remains constantly in doubt.
INHERIT THE LONG WINDED...A classic movie in which the forces of good, as portrayed by Gwyneth Paltrow, challenge the constitutionality of a state statute prohibiting the teaching of Marvinism, the controversial theory that all human beings are descended from Marvin Cohen. Marvin is portrayed by the late Lee J. Cobb, whose performance is, I must say, a bit stiff. But Gwyneth triumphs, as we knew she would, and she looks great in the process. A must see!
I NEVER PROMISED YOU A PLEA BARGAIN...A great whodunit in which an unrepentant recidivist jaywalker does hard time when his lawyer for just a moment loses his concentration and pleads his client guilty to complicity in the disappearance of Judge Crater. I laughed, I cried, I ate popcorn while the pitiful defendant is hauled away to prison despite his relentless protestations that the light was yellow.
SOMETIMES A GREAT MOTION...An animated fantasy tale in which a lawyer presents a clever, well researched, innovative motion which the court grants.
E.T. - EVICTING THE TENANTS...A poignant story about a poor, downtrodden family whose father loses his job, his savings and his pension when the corporation for which he worked for 40 years goes belly up because of executive mismanagement. The family is soon evicted from their apartment and forced to live on the street, cold and hungry. What can I say? Its every lawyer's dream come true.
LIE HARD...An explosive action thriller starring Divine as the hard nosed lawyer who, in defense of his/her clients, strips to the waist and charges into a courtroom armed with briefs hanging from belts cris-crossed across his/her chest. Not a pretty picture.
DANCES WITH S H A R K S . . . A quirky love story about an impressionable young female non-lawyer groupy who becomes infatuated with all the male members of a bar association and who is ultimately elected president of that association strictly on the basis of quantum merit. Based upon a real collective fantasy.
ALIEN...A sci-fi thriller in which Sigourney Weaver battles to prevent vicious, invading extra-terrestrials from recording a mortgage which would encumber the entire planet.
RAGING BULL...A tense, gritty documentary clandestinely filmed at a recent bar association meeting during which the members candidly discuss their most lucrative verdicts.
Well, there you have it - my ten most favorite lawyer movies of all time, and quite the list, don't you think? If nothing else, I have surely laid waste to the claim that we lawyers aren't a cultured bunch. Let me know what you think of my movie reviews. Who knows, if the idea catches on, I might do it again sometime. I'm also pretty up on wrestling movies.
© 2002, S. Sponte, Esq.