TO-WIT: WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN
When Lord Cornwallis surrendered the British troops to George Washington at Yorktown, he ordered his pipers to play "World Turned Upside Down," a popular little ditty of the day.
It was an appropriate choice, as no one would have ever believed the ragtag American forces could defeat the most powerful military force in the world.
When it comes to certain matters in the law, I tend to
somewhat Cornwallian myself. I mean, the more than thirty years I have spent doing law has taught me that there are some universal truths upon which I can always rely. These are
important assumptions, and I rely upon them to provide stability and predictability in a world otherwise strewn with chaos, disarray and uncertainty. Take away my assumptions and I become no more than primordial slime with a JD.
For instance, I know that in matters of family law its always opposing counsel's client who is most culpable, in personal injury law I know that the most restorative treatment
for soft tissue injury is a prompt settlement, and I know that in
matters of collection work, the defendants always lie about
payment.
If I heard "The check is in the mail," or "I already paid it," and "I'll send a check tomorrow, swear to God," once, I heard them a million times. It's damn depressing to hear people lie with such facility. That's why as a rule I don't do collection work anymore.
But, as with any rule, there are exceptions, and as an accommodation to a long time client, I recently undertook such a case. The unrepresented defendant was a landlord who had taken
my client's three hundred dollars as a security deposit on an apartment my client wanted to rent. She thereafter rented the apartment to someone else and refused to return the security deposit to my client.
Obtaining the money judgment was easy. The unrepresented landlord never answered the case. Can you say " default judgment?"
Thereafter she simply ignored every attempt we made to collect and even when I sought contempt, she didn't show up for the hearing. His Honor was so miffed that he phoned her at home, and told her if she didn't get herself to court eo instanter, he was going to issue a bench warrant for her arrest.
She came into the courtroom walking like a crab on three legs. It wouldn't be accurate to say her clothes were disheveled. They had never been sheveled. She was old,
disoriented, odorous and babbling, and even before His Honor could get one word out of his mouth, she utilized the "My son has cancer," the "I couldn't find my heart medicine," and the I" was recovering from an epileptic seizure" gambits so sincerely and in such rapid succession that all counsel assembled in the courtroom broke out in polite and respectful applause at the deftness of her prevarications.
"You know," His Honor said, "you could make all this go away by just paying the money you owe."
"I have paid it," she said, "I gave the cash to my lawyer a few days ago, and he told me I wouldn't have to come here." With that, a groan went up from the audience.
Now His Honor is one of the most genteel, considerate and caring people on the bench, but this obvious lie was too much even for him. He glowered at her and advised that he was going to take a brief recess to call the lawyer she had mentioned and find out for himself if any money had been paid.
As soon as he departed the courtroom, a generalized hubbub
broke out among colleagues there assembled, the sort of clamor I always imagined the Romans sent up each time a Christian became lion chow. She had surely lied to the judge and she was surely headed for jail. And you thought collection work was no fun at all, huh?
A few minutes later , the Judge resumed the bench, but he had this ashen, quizzical look on his face.
"Well," he said, "I have spoken to the lawyer in question and he has the three hundred dollars. He is sending his secretary to the courthouse with the money even as we speak. Call the next case."
Everyone else filed out, but not me. I just sat there for a while. My whole world had been shaken and I didn't know what to do. I bet this is how the dinosaurs felt when the meteor hit. After a brief while, I left the courtroom and went home in a daze.
I haven't gone back to the office since then. My therapist has suggested I take up crocheting. He says that learning new motor skills is a good way to regain my confidence.
Oh, don't fret, I ' l l be okay eventually. I just have never before experienced a collection defendant who spoke the truth about payment and I'm just suffering a bit of shock is all. I'm sure you can understand. I mean, I expected t h i s defendant to lie, I wanted her to lie, I needed her to lie. If I can't count on the falsehoods of these defendants, well, what's next? An injured and innocent spouse?
by S. Sponte, Esq.