TO-WIT: THE DESPERATE HOURS
Every year it happens with the predictability of the celestial motions. In fact you could, if you wanted to, set your watch by it. Its as certain as the summer solstice, as guaranteed as the advent of fall, that come October of each and every year, I’m going to get that damned letter from the powers that be reminding me that I haven’t yet completed my current year’s Continuing Legal Education requirements and that I only have two months or so within which to do so.
It used to be that I would panic with such news, but no more. After twenty years or so, this has taken on all the trappings of a benign ritual, and I’ve learned how to handle it. Well, I mean I’ve learned how to handle it other than by completing my CLE requirements in a more timely fashion. Nowadays I just throw the notice at my secretary and command her to sign me up for whatever courses are available. Let her panic. That’s one of the reasons I pay her as much as minimum wage in the first place. Its also one of the reasons that I ended up taking “The Bilingual Practice – Yo Habloing Espanol.” Aside from the duo credits, it was a complete waste of time. I didn’t comprehendo a single word.
Fortunately I had already taken a few CLE courses this year, choosing them based upon where they were being held and whether lunch was included in the price, but as usual, I was still far short of the annual requirements. I still needed ten or so hours, and I needed them by the end of the year.
Well, I am pleased to report that in the face of this wanton pressure, I responded with exactly the same kind of professional grace and dignity that has always been the hallmark of my career. I cursed, I gestured obscenely to no one in particular and I tore up the notice and pitched it, with a “just who the hell do they think they are” kind of flourish, into the trash. And there it remained until five minutes later when, with a “they’re the Disciplinary Committee, that’s who the hell they are” kind of flourish I retrieved it.
Now the one thing I’ve learned from such protracted procrastination is that come November I pretty much have to take whatever courses I can get. No longer do I have the luxury of seeking out courses in my particular areas of expertise - divorce a menso et thoro and the felony murder rule – but that doesn’t really matter. These days courses in those fields are pretty hard to find anyway.
A quick call to my local bar association confirmed my worst fears. There were a number of courses being offered before year’s end, but all the ones that might have been of interest for me were already filled. What follows then is a list of the courses that are still available, along with their descriptions. I know, I know, its my own fault, I shouldn’t have waited so long. But the good news is that I look forward to seeing all of you at one or more of these classes.
BRIEFING CASES FOR THE DISTRICT JUSTICES – A primer in monoslyabbic writing.
CASE MANAGEMENT STRATEGIES – PURGING THE “BAD” FILE – How to tell a client you made a really horrible error in judgement when you agreed to take the case on a contingent fee, that now you need to dump them and their God-forsaken file, and why it’s all their fault. (One hour of ethics)
LCL (LAWYERS CONCERNED FOR LAWYERS) SEMINAR - How to recognize when a colleague is impaired from drugs, depression or alcohol, and how to best turn it to your advantage.
THE TEN MOST COMMON ETHICAL MISTAKES – and the best ways to cover them up.
YOUR BROTHER’S KEEPER – A survey of the grim jurisprudence holding you responsible if a partner screws up. Updated forms include latest version of undated, signed in blank partnership termination agreement, pre-dated letters of resignation and indemnity contracts pledging you all of partner’s personal assets as security.
Not much to chose from here, yes, I know, but its only ten more hours of my life that I have to surrender for the privilege of sticking my fingers into other folk’s dykes.
I’m ready for it though. I’ve downloaded all the latest games to my Palm Pilot and pizza will be served. However, just out of an overabundance of caution, you’d better bring the playing cards. See you soon.
© 2006, S. Sponte, Esq.