TO-WIT: FIFTY SHADES OF BLACK'S
As I think must be true for any serious writer, I love words. I love all kinds of words, the words I use in my daily conversations, the words I use in my writings, the words I used in my divorce; I love them all and have for as long as I can remember.
In addition to the writer’s ardor, there is also a fundamentally pragmatic reason for my love of verbiage. Attorneys endowed with linguistic dexterity generally prevail over those less accomplished, and I attribute whatever success I may have had in my career in no small part to such facility as I may thus possess.
And although, yes, I love them all, it is the written word for which I reserve the full depth and breadth of my passion. It's not just the words themselves that I adore, not standing alone, no. It's far more the writer's artistry in placing them together just so, the cogent array of a well-turned phrase, the artfully constructed sentence, the adoringly mellifluous paragraph, they are all of them nothing less than Mozart to my eyes.
Oh sure, there are times when one must resist one's natural instinct to show off, to tone it down, such as when speaking to a judge or a jury or a colleague. The last thing I would ever want in my professional life is for anyone to think that I am, oh, you know, "too smarty."
As I have written before, it is my deep and abiding passion for words that has led me into my long love affair with Black's Law Dictionary. It was the first lawbook I ever bought, and I still have it. To me it is more than just a dictionary, it is also the chronicle of the law’s language, the history of our professional tongues. There are so many treasures there, so many diamonds and pearls, that I have oft times spent many a vacation diving into its riches. Perhaps that accounts for my vaunted legal vocabulary; perhaps that also accounts for why I have had to vacation alone so often.
As I have recently been on a forced layoff for many weeks, and with many idle hours to fill, I have once again plumbed its depths. What follows are just a few of the newly discovered gems I have unearthed from this perennial treasure trove. Though some of the definitions scream for a more sophisticated explanation than I afford them here, I have done what I could to simplify them for you. One must always keep in mind the capacity of one's readership.
AB INITIO – A Latin phrase meaning “from the beginning,” it is still in common use. It derives from Abacus Initio the Wise, a second century Roman lawyer who practiced at a time when lawyers, like priests, were drawn to their profession by divine calling and not by expectation of recompense. After his tenth straight unsuccessful jury trial however, he was quoted as saying "Vos est efaen cognati nihi” and immediately thereafter invented the non-refundable retainer.
FACIAL CHALLENGE – Although in modern times this has come to mean a challenge to a statute claimed to be unconstitutional on its face, it originates with the 17th century English case, Porkaletta of Aberlone, 137 King’s Bench 18, in which plaintiff, deeply dissatisfied with the outcome of her facelift, brought suit against her surgeon.
HAIM SUCKEN - In Scottish law, the crime of being assaulted by somebody in one's own house.
NOWYOURSUCKEN - In Scottish law, an act of revenge against somebody for having assaulted one in one's own house.
SAEVITIA – In Roman law, grounds for divorce arising from any marital cohabitation which presents a spouse with the risk of bodily harm. The term derives from a notorious ancient Roman case in which Inexhaustibus Saevitia sought divorce from his wife, Scissoria.
POSTERIORITY – An Old English term meaning the opposite of priority, it comes from the medieval motions court custom of putting the lawyers with the largest buttocks last on the argument list.
CARROTED FUR – 1. Rabbit fur that has been treated with nitrate of mercury. 2. What’s left over after a warren explodes.
IN TERMINUS TERMINATIBUS – The length of time it takes for a jury to come back with a verdict.
UNGELD – In Saxon law, an outlaw. In Kentucky law, an extraordinary act of gluing.
HOC LUNGER AD JUDICIA PROHIBITIO – Latin for “no spitting at the judge.”
And now, even though there are so many more, I ought take my leave. Even though it is my most earnest hope that I have enlightened and amused you, I urge you to forget what you may have learned here as soon as possible. After all, as you go about your own practice, you surely would not want to appear to be, oh, you know, "too smarty." No one would recognize you.
©2018, S. Sponte, Esq.