TO-WIT: EDIFICEE LEX, 2022
“Good evening ladies, good evening gentlemen, good evening others, if you would all please take your seats and postpone boasting about your most recent verdicts until desert, we can begin.
First, Let me welcome all of you here to Sioux City and to Edifice Lex, the Lawyer’s Hall of Fame where we are proud to present this year’s new admittees. As in years past, the selection has been made by three-quarters majority vote of the Committee on Self-Aggrandizement, with additional input from the Ad Hoc Committee on Rehabilitative Career Descriptions.
All of our new admittees are colleagues who, by virtue of their exemplary service to the profession and the public have distinguished themselves in various ways. Each are lawyers of substance, even if we cannot always agree on exactly what that substance is.
So without further ado then, let me present this year’s selection. I ask that you please hold on to both your applause and the component parts of your salad until the end of the program.
CHARLES E. CHEAZE III – Chuck
Was the first divorce lawyer in the nation to unwaveringly insist that his chosen specialty be alternatively termed “family law.” With a newly found aura of respectability, he was finally able to gain admission to both a prestigious country club and a local house of worship, and the use of his preferred nomenclature spread among his colleagues faster than Covid
In addition, his example has led the American Association of Bankruptcy Lawyers to follow suit by also seeking a more attractive appellation. Their first attempt, however, the Coterie of Broke Peoples Counsel, has thus far failed to gain any meaningful traction.
ABDULLAH COHEN – Abdullah has earned admission by establishing and chairing both the Guild of Middle Eastern Lawyers and the National Association of Really Smart Attorneys. Although both have a notable history, his effort to effectuate a merger has not been wholly successful. That, in fact, accounts for his absence tonight, as he is currently in the hospital being treated for his injuries. We have been assured, however, that he will be released sometime in the net next month or so. Get well soon, Abe.
COOPER DEVILLE – Since he first began to practice law, Coop has been a stalwart in the title insurance industry. In the last several years, he has implemented the use of innovative, extra cost title endorsements such as Endorsement 666, Loss By The Wrath of Satan, Endorsement 703, Alien Mortgage Foreclosure, and Endorsement No. XVII, Taking By Sovereign Rights of The British Crown. The contributions he has made to the profitability of the title insurance industry should not be discounted because he is currently awaiting sentencing for inappropriately billing clients annually for the premiums. He insists it was naught but a pesky computer error, and although he too cannot be with us tonight, you can view a remarkable likeness of his face down at the post office.
LULU GERHIG – Known far and wide among members of the insurance defense bar as the “I WON’T IRON LADY,” Lulu once consecutively tried 2130 personal injury claims to verdict. That she lost all of them does not in any way diminish her accomplishment. She has already been honored with a lifetime achievement award by the Conference of Hurt Folks Lawyers, and we are thrilled to also recognize her this evening for her contributions to the personal injury bar.
And that concludes our ceremony for this year. I hope you have enjoyed it and that you harbor no ill will because once again you were not selected. It’s time to relax and enjoy the sherbet now being served for desert. It’s sour grape, I do believe.
©2022, S. Sponte, Esq.